When Grief Doesn’t Fade: Understanding Complicated Grief

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences. We all face loss at some point in our lives, the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life change. For most people, grief evolves over time. The pain will never disappear entirely, but it gradually becomes more bearable, allowing space for healing, growth, and even joy again.

But for some, grief doesn’t follow this natural path. Instead of easing, it lingers, intense, unrelenting, and overwhelming. This is known as complicated grief.  It’s not about “grieving too long,” but rather about being emotionally stuck in the pain of loss, unable to move forward.

It can feel even more painful is the loss were sudden, unexpected or traumatic.  Coming to terms with your loved one no longer being here, navigating life through a different lens and starting a new path.

What Is Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief goes beyond the normal grieving process. It can last for months or even years, making it difficult for a person to function day-to-day. People experiencing complicated grief may feel a persistent yearning or longing for the person who has died, find it impossible to accept the loss, or feel that life has lost its meaning.

Common signs include:

• Constant preoccupation with the deceased
• Intense sadness or emotional pain that doesn’t lessen over time
• Difficulty engaging in new relationships or activities
• Avoidance of reminders of the loss
• Feelings of emptiness or hopelessness

This kind of grief can affect not only emotional well-being but also physical health, increasing risks of depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and even heart disease.

Why Does Complicated Grief Happen?

There’s no single reason why some people experience complicated grief while others don’t. Factors that can increase risk include:

• The sudden or traumatic nature of the loss
• A deep emotional attachment or dependent relationship with the deceased
• Previous mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety
• Lack of social support or isolation after the loss
• Past losses, unprocessed, magnifying your recent loss

Neuroscience also suggests that complicated grief may involve changes in brain regions linked to reward and attachment, such as the nucleus accumbens. This means the brain may continue to “seek” the lost loved one, reinforcing the cycle of longing and sadness.

Healing from Complicated Grief

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning how to live with loss in a healthier way.  This may look like seeking support from your GP, friends and family.  And most importantly, taking small steps forward to avoid overwhelm.

Simple but powerful steps can also support healing:

• Reach out for professional help — grief counsellors and therapists are trained to guide you through complex loss.
• Connect with others — sharing your story with those who understand can ease feelings of isolation.
• Take care of your body — sleep, movement, and nutrition play a vital role in emotional resilience.
• Honour the loss — rituals, journaling, or creative expression can help transform grief into meaning.

Final Thoughts

There’s no “right” way to grieve, and no timeline for healing. But when grief becomes paralysing and all-consuming, it’s a sign that you deserve more support, not judgment. Complicated grief is not a weakness; it’s a deeply human response that calls for compassion, understanding, and care.

If you or someone you love is struggling with complicated grief, reaching out for help can be the first step toward finding light again, not by forgetting the person you lost, but by learning how to carry their memory with peace rather than pain.

Please get in touch